Any conversation about toxic emotions must surely touch on jealousy. Jealousy afflicts even the most level-headed of us. It might crop up when our partner talks to an attractive person, or when a colleague receives praise from your boss. While jealousy is a fact of life, we must take care not to let it consume us and take a toll on our mental and emotional health.
Types of jealousy
- Envious jealousy. This is what we feel when we see others enjoying something which we want for ourselves. Be it a new car, a nice watch or a promotion. Envious jealousy, in small doses, can be a great source of motivation. But if prolonged, it can lead to chronic feelings of dissatisfaction and disillusionment, and cause our mood to plummet.
- Romantic jealousy. When we love and treasure our partner, we feel naturally suspicious and resentful of any perceived threats to the exclusive relationship. In moderation, romantic jealousy reminds us not to take our partners for granted. However, frequent feelings of jealousy may indicate a chronic lack of trust.
Dealing with envious jealousy
Try to channel your envy into positive motivation. Ask yourself exactly why it is that the object of your envy has gotten this thing you desire. If a colleague has been promoted, try and identify the rationale for this. Could it be his hard work, or better interpersonal skills? When you identify the reasons why others are able to capture the objects of your desire, envy melts away because you come to realize that success takes hard work and commitment, and is far more often earned than given. You may also get the impetus to improve and enrich yourself!
Dealing with romantic jealousy
It may be tempting to blame your other half for their behavior and start an argument over the conduct that made you jealous. However, while we must all behave with responsibility and modesty when we are romantically attached, jealousy is often as much about you as your partner. Romantic jealousy frequently stems from insecurity. When we feel inferior, it becomes much easier to assume infidelity, even when the trigger is an objectively innocuous event such as your partner wanting some alone time or going out with friends.
If insecurity is the issue, it’s important to boost your self-esteem. Make a list of all the things you know your partner loves about you. Write down everything you’re good at, and all the skills you’ve accumulated. Most importantly, make sure that you have meaningful activities to occupy yourself with when your partner is busy. Pick up a new sport, or learn a new instrument, and you’ll find you don’t have the time or energy to be jealous!
Feeling jealous is natural. But when our self-worth is defined entirely by comparisons with others, or the instinct for protection becomes a desire for possession, jealousy becomes toxic. Put a stop to toxic jealousy today!
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